My Name is XINJUN

2009-05-24T16:33:00.000+08:00

guess i gotta make a move. (:

2009-05-23T23:36:00.003+08:00

laugh at my stupidity.

2009-05-23T01:12:00.004+08:00

a whole week just flew by, and i'm really dreading monday.

so many uncertainties, its gonna be really really tough from now onwards.

on another note, i really miss my j2 times now. haha.

its the process, not the end product that really matters after all.

its like smoking.
if you don't wanna get lung cancer, don't freaking do it.

no more, drive.
lost it, long long ago.

2009-05-21T23:40:00.003+08:00

boring days. no one else is free except for SCTs. nth much we can do either D:

well, it'd be kinda exciting goin for choir concert tmr. haha.

so many words, unspoken.

2009-05-20T20:41:00.001+08:00

essential,

but its not lethal.

2009-05-19T00:16:00.000+08:00

maybe i'm just too dumb to realise that before.

2009-05-15T18:41:00.001+08:00

somehow. i managed to beat 350+ other ppl who got shortlisted into dentistry.

lmao. this is quite unbelieveable. lucky me ;D

2009-05-10T19:25:00.000+08:00

check it out. i'm lvl 24 in restaurant city LOL.

2009-05-09T14:04:00.000+08:00

why like that..

2009-05-08T22:46:00.001+08:00

a moment's peace.

2009-05-03T00:36:00.003+08:00

*turns back*

no one's there!

"yikes! where'd everyone go!"

*quivers*

presses on.

2009-05-01T22:32:00.003+08:00

forget it. the truth always sucks so why bother.

simon says: trust nobody but yourself.

stupid.

tired of this.

2009-05-01T04:01:00.002+08:00

well. it has been moderately tough.

not intense. just the real fked up environment.

really is no joke sleeping on the muddy floor in the middle of the night with heavy rain, mosquitoes biting, ants crawling over you and dropping from the trees above onto ur body and stuff.

freaking hell. how the fk did we all endure thru that shit. haha.

just 2 more weeks! gonna be really fun. (:

meanwhile its a long wkend. really cant wait to meet up with 18 and sexies (:

2009-04-25T10:24:00.003+08:00

tired.

nxt wk, even more tired. haha.

and i'm sorry i missed so many ppl's bdays. i really lost track of time already.

gone.

2009-04-19T00:16:00.003+08:00

just a really random post.

a little meetup with the triangle. a little talk.

some fond memories.
yet i'm actually disgusted by the way i behaved, just barely a year ago.

what childish thinking, putting everything on the line like that.

gonna be a really tough week coming up. no kidding. 3 major activities.

plus my dentistry interview on monday, to decide my life.

please, anyone just grant me strength to pull thru everything proper.

at least my hair is minimally stylable now. lol.

2009-04-12T11:11:00.008+08:00

for some things.
you've gotta be the change you want to see in this world.

leaving it there to sort itself out won't work.

i'm afraid.

really afraid of losing them both at the same time.

sigh.

stop contradicting each other ):

its only a matter of time..

2009-04-11T13:26:00.001+08:00

hello.

pain is temporary.
handsome is forever. ;D

2009-04-10T00:42:00.003+08:00

i just realised u can check if you're shortlisted online in the application status page under interview schedule. lol.

You have been shortlisted for the interview/test for the following course(s). A formal letter or email will be sent to you with details such as the venue, interviewee index number (if available) etc



	If you are unable to attend the scheduled interview(s), please refer to the procedures on changing the scheduled interview date/time in the interview/test notification letter/email.

	Dentistry Interview
	Date/Time: Mon, 20 Apr 2009 17:00

	Dentistry Test
	Date/Time: Thu, 16 Apr 2009 14:00

	Please note that any changes to your original scheduled interview date and time will not be reflected here.

thanks man. 20th is first day of camp. 16th got smth else. URA dao me already now. seriously the army is gonna screw my future up lol.

2009-04-09T22:53:00.001+08:00

if you cant marry the woman you love,

guess you gotta love the woman you marry.

sadly to say. many times. you just gotta learn to. suck. thumb.

2009-04-04T20:50:00.002+08:00

time moves really slowly, so i'm really glad during the weekends even though i'm totally shagged out by this time.

seems like RT can't catch me, since i'm fit enough for 100 bucks at least. ;D gotta run even more i guess.

had a pretty interesting week. such a pity you cant blog about restricted stuffs here. haha.

2009-03-28T13:36:00.003+08:00

I'm a sispec

well life's been rather good so far.

its so much less lame than bmt and its on the mainland! much more pt as well get fitter faster. canteen breaks after lunch and dinner. best thing no orientation confinement. hahah.

my bunk only has 2 other december babies and the rest all PRs cause they do all by IC numbers. quite a new experience, interacting with international sch ppl and ppl living overseas who come back just to serve ns.

tho din get to meet many jaguars in my company.

on a sadder note. i pretty much cant go for my interview now due to certain reasons. sigh. suck thumb.

but still i'm just glad that i'm home now (:

2009-03-22T21:08:00.002+08:00

its back to camp tomorrow! boon lay. wth ._.

moderately excited? yes. been reading up on sispec life on the net and well. i just hope i survive it and get the monetary perks at the end of everything. (which is everyth that matters haha)

actually rather miss the bmt days now, the field camp, cluster fking on bala-christian's or jared-xj's bed after lights out, coffee breaks, even area cleanings where pang's pants was down. HAHA. funny lah section 2.

okay, just pray hard everyth goes well for me for the next 6 mths. gd bunk mates i hope ;D

all the best to all the mcts people too! esp special you! :D good luck!

2009-03-20T11:28:00.001+08:00

walau eh. sispec. ._. must cheong sua again for 6 mth.

2009-03-20T01:15:00.002+08:00

so ends, the last platoon outing before we all move on with our unit/command sch lives from monday onwards.

posting comes out tomorrow. to some, it may be even more intense than the As. but well. i don really care where i get posted to so, i'm taking one step at a time i guess. gd luck too all the die-hard ocs fans.

i don't know why, its always the really bad days. i'm so sorry D:

2009-03-16T23:45:00.001+08:00

why do you want what you want?
do you really want what you want?
are you sure that you want what you want?

yes i am.

2009-03-15T21:07:00.000+08:00

it ain't lucky at all.

2009-03-12T12:08:00.002+08:00

POP loh! yesterday evening marked the official beginning of my block leave! ;D

after 2 months of bmt. i guess i have gained a reasonable number of things. a little fitness and of course friends of the guys in P11, esp S2 ;D

but, well losing the life you once had is really, i dno. a mixture of feelings towards the deal.

oh well. to all those who enlist tomorrow. LMAOs to you ;D

2009-03-07T21:39:00.005+08:00

as i'm reading my past blogposts now. i kinda realise that i had rather matured over this short course of a year that my blog had come into existance.

well. so i figured, why not create a blogpost of important/funny quotations i had over the pass year?

jan 15, 2008
someday i'll be back. and u guys who belittle me just wait to see what i'll achieve.

jan 19,2008
u soak them in water and dey grow like those effingly scary SEAMONKEYS!

jan 30, 2008
oh yes. mr tan feng yi like u

feb 15, 2008
AND MY BLOG IS NOT WORDY OKAY. ITS JUST THE STUPID SMALL CONSTRAINT PLACE WITH THE BIG FONT THAT MAKE IT LOOK VERY WORDY.

feb 26, 2008
one word. musicianship

mar 6, 2008
an apple a day keeps the doctor away!! :D

mar 13,2008
OH COME ON XINJUN GROW UP. ):

mar 24, 2008
u all know im sacrificing time where i can see my eye candy every morning.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.
PLS MAKE MY SACRIFICE USEFUL :D

mar 31, 2008
im sick of seeing this net displacement of 0.

april 6, 2008
i feel very noob.

april 11, 2008
for once im proud to be a tjcian! hahah!

april 15,2008
COMPOSITION IS ORGASMIC.
QUOTE FROM BERENICE'S BLOG FROM TRENT: "Trent (doing compo): [sic]...i'll go on for awhile, then when i'm satisfied i'll climax, then i'll withdraw.."

april 16,2008
something interesting happens everyday in 18/07

april 22,2008
chewbacca and han solo

april 28,2008
you have your C***** C*** and i have my C***** C***

may 2, 2008
amor de mi alma, you are the love of my soul.

may6,2008
and you do all these. childish shit in school.

may 11,2008
the post choir concert syndromes are really setting in. sucks.

may 17,2008
BAN MARGERINE PEOPLE

may 25,2008
Chia: Eh i dun think i'm going today need to sleep sry:)
me: wl don ps leh? Just come later la zz
Chia: Haha dun wan i 2dae got many pimple cannot hahaha

may 30, 2008
if out of 28 days (june holidays) i have 50% chance of studying to the max a day. wad is my probability that i will study for at more than 20 days?

let X be the no. of days i will study

X~B(28,0.5)

P(X>20) = 1- P(X< or equal to 20) = 1- 0.99372 = 0.00628
WTF! ))))):
i am going to fail MATHS. ):

okay. june was effed up as it was just preparation for jcts. so no quotes.

11 jul,2008
the feeling of being owned sucks bigtime.

27 jul 2008
from tomorrow onwards. i shall be a smiley happy endorphin secreter :D :D :D :D

aug 5 2008
today. i shall teach you guys about CHEMISTRY! :D

aug 8 2008
n a random note. my future wife must be talented. :D hahah.

aug 18, 2008
omg peanut butter is 50% fat

aug 23, 2008
and of course. i would if i was given a chance to.

sept 5 2008
people studying so hard! what u doing here! ):

sept 15, 2008
and i still think nothing beats seeing a (: haha

sept 23, 2008
good luck my special friend (:

sept 30 2008
wake me up when september ends.

oct 30, 2008
LOVE.

Nov 1, 2008
why do people lie?

2 nov 2008
but im taking this as a test of my own self worth.

9 nov 2008
why bother missing things when you know they will never,
come back?

20 dec 2008
i have so many bears LOL :D

30 dec 2008
who will miss me? lol. ;D

5 jan 2009
get out. while i still can. but how.

25 jan 2009
uess its just human nature to be.

guess i'll stop here! the rest of the posts are like. too recent already! oh well. haha. yea i got lazy towards the end. :X lol.

2009-03-07T00:26:00.002+08:00

three days of bmt left to POP.
reasonably well results for As.

what's next? a driver or medic vocation would be excellent ;D

well. lost something to gain something i guess..? but still, a pity.

2009-03-01T12:11:00.004+08:00

Blog-stopped for rather long, haven't i?

been a rather bad week, since i EXLL/footwear-ed on thurs right after sitest.

yep sitest went rather well, survived with the two giant blisters on my feet. hope my detail has a rather good impression of me i guess?

haha.

Haven't you always been on the move seeking affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships? Well, everyone's best probable ultimate goal would been the realisation of an intimate union in which there could be love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust. It has often been said that 'True love is just around the corner' and - if you haven't found it as yet - well, guess it just sucks to be you/me.

btw, i'm not just talking about lovey dovey relationships. just a generalised word to describe all forms of human interation.

it is human nature to be a fighter and always be on the defensive, there is always the need to be sure that your position is safe and established. at least for me, whenever decisions however are finally made it shall and will be pursued to the bitter end in spite of all opposition.

i must say conditions are rather confusing at this point of time. it seems like i'm holding back or something. how hard could it be to make such a decision.

At times, i pretend to be a carefree individual and that nothing really bothers me - that i am so self-sufficient that whatever problems beset me simply flow off you like water. Well under stressful circumstances, it seems a must to conceal yourself from the rest of the world.

oh well. i guess i am not at all happy. it gets rather lonely and sometimes all i want is just someone with whom i can 'Let your hair down' (okay i'm trying to mock my own botak head ._.) and share me hopes, dreams and high standards. why the hell should such unnecessary self restraint be imposed.

i just wish i could just get away from it all, to escape from the trials and tribulations of this mundane existence and fall into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, which will protect you from the lack of appreciation and give you the chance to start afresh.

hoho this post doesnt sound like me at all LOL. try to act chimz with my literally "fuck"ed-up army dictionary :D

brilliant, ten days to passing out (:

2009-03-01T12:06:00.000+08:00

the painful irony.

2009-02-21T20:50:00.000+08:00

god save the knee.

2009-02-14T22:23:00.001+08:00

battered. full of injuries everywhere. inside out. conditioned. fight. defend.

2009-02-13T21:02:00.000+08:00

black friday.
haha sucks.

2009-02-06T22:17:00.003+08:00

just plain shag now i guess. first field camp sucked all the wits out of my knees and elbows. haha.

but it was a great experience though. rations, enduring it out with ur buddies, esp that night time maggie cooking session.

though of course i missed my bed and water showers alot alot D; haha. feels great to be home. and of course it really made me realise that i missed everyone else over in the civilian world so much. it was really the thoughts of all my close ones that really pushed me to endure all these.

on another horrible note. a lvl peoples i HEARD results are out this coming friday. haha. what a move! D;

and on a happier note. i suddenly only have like one month more till my bmt is over HAHA.

2009-01-26T15:08:00.002+08:00

just learn to be content.

2009-01-25T23:12:00.002+08:00

You are striving for a life full of activity and experience and, perhaps even more, an environment where you would be able to forge a close bond with a person who can offer full emotional fulfilment.

You are finding the present situation extremely demanding and you're having difficulty coping with it. A great deal of strain is involved and you would really like everyone and everything to leave you alone for a while, just so that you can put everything into perspective.

Although you are, deep down, a very caring person, you are very particular in the choice of friends and indeed very demanding at times. You can be most quarrelsome and controversial and it is because of this argumentative trait you can at times explode into open conflict - conflict with even those you may care for and love. It is because of this inherent argumentative streak in you that may have resulted in broken hopes and dreams.

Whatever you strive to do, something always seems to be holding you back. There is no subterfuge in you. You are a clear thinker and all you demand from life, in a relationship, is a partner whom you can trust and with whom you can, together, develop a foundation of trust based on understanding. You are your own person and you demand freedom of thought to follow your own convictions. You have no interest in 'two-timing' and all you seek is sincerity and 'straight-dealing'.

You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way and to get on in the world simply by your hard work and determination.

have i ever mentioned before how cool/freaky/awesome colourgenics is?

2009-01-25T21:55:00.003+08:00

sucky cny eve. mahjong cancelled not enough people. i'm done packing my field pack. polished my boots. ran. did everything possible. that i do not have anything to do now. wth. ):

seems like booking out is actually. much worse than being in tekong. let these 2 days pass quickly please.

guess its just human nature to be.

2009-01-24T22:50:00.004+08:00

the most important lesson i've learnt in 2 weeks.

i've learnt to treasure the people whom treasure u the most.
and reciprocate.

2009-01-23T21:16:00.003+08:00

im back for a few days. over cny.
a little darker.
a little richer.
hair a little longer.
hopefully a little thinner.
and probably. a little happier haha. or really.
at least. im living life to the fullest there, with something to do everytime.
leaving u with zero brain capacity everynight.

yes i do miss the previous lifestyle.
the comforts.
the people especially. haha.
but no choice.
and its a whole new experience, im loving it.

btw. my english deproved. so i can only type in short lines like this.
where vulgarities fly around like free everyday. hahaha.

2009-01-07T20:09:00.002+08:00

haven't had pictures up for a long time. that was me a few hours ago. the new me now has only like 0.5cm long of hair all over his head.

i havent been nervous about going in until TODAY.
one day before. omggggggg. haha.
oh dear. D:

sent tujin off in the afternoon. god it just sucks to imagine that i'd be in the queue tomorrow early in the morning HAHA!!! oh yea he just told me 9.40 for 2.4 to get gold for ippt. HAHA wth. given my current state i think 10 i tyco already -.-

so i spent the day before my enlistment, catching yesman with tri, jm and dong. its a pretty nice show. and it definitely sucks to see all the good shows coming up during the adverts section. knowing that you wont get a chance to watch them. sighhh. and yea. we messed around a little with neoprint machines. hahahaha. kinda abusing the lighting in there. lol.

i'd definitely miss the civilian world. miss it so much.

my last post till a rather long time later! hahaha. my noob phone doesnt have gprs activated so i cant blog with my phone LOL. and we're not supposed to blog about army stuffs anyway. wait kena charge D:

all the best to everyone. including myself (:
goodbye.

2009-01-07T00:55:00.002+08:00

at times, i actually envy those that are religious. for they always have a certain.. god out there to seek at all times, be it joy or distress. no matter what, they will know that a god will always be there for them and they have something to shelter themselves under.

it is times like this that often make me wonder why i cant bring myself to accept such things or that. i just cant believe that such things exist. clearly knowing they exist as a psychological kind of guidance or comfort.

im feeling oh so confused now. i still am. but im strong. i know that i am. its like playing with fire. the bigger the flame gets, the more beautiful it becomes. yet its destructive capabilities treble with each second. wth happened to, once bitten twice shy.

(speaking about trebles. im proud that my liverpool trebled in its first season under me in FOOTBALL MANAGER HAHAHAHAH. im totally trying to understand this stupid male-soccer relationship. hoping i wont be too out in there ._. lol.)

well. men can have their womenly side too. considering that god gave us nipples and the X chromosome as well :X, so i guess its alright to rant once in awhile like a woman? HAHA. and think, behave, act like one... okay but not too much alright please. (:

dont worry. no disappointments for anyone. i wont, allow.

MY WHOLE BLOG POST DOESNT MAKE SENSE HOHO :D
well its my blog so whatever (:

2009-01-05T20:37:00.002+08:00

get out. while i still can. but how.

2008-12-30T22:55:00.003+08:00

THE COUNTDOWN IS TOMORROW. BUT WHO CARES ABOUT THE NEW YEAR.
ONE MORE WEEK TO NS IS MORE SIGNIFICANT :D

who will miss me? lol. ;D

2008-12-28T00:33:00.000+08:00

DON FRIGGING CYCLE WITH SLIPPERS. LOL.

2008-12-27T00:47:00.002+08:00

yea. i have officially slightly less than 2 weeks till i enlist. 11 days to be exact.

reading the NS letter again just now, i suddenly have this sense of excitement, yet fear of what to expect in BMT. they say BMT is the most fun part of army already, and it is really actually quite fun. so i guess. it'd be like a holiday huh..?

soon its time to say goodbye to civilian days and hello to the green pixelated ugly uniform lol..

though i'd miss this life, im actually kinda eager to move on. haha.

short as this post may be. it really took quite long to type out. there are so many things going on in my head right now. sigh.

and i've yet to find my medical summary report D: crap!

2008-12-24T17:36:00.002+08:00

dont read so much into my blog lah.
dowan blog already wait ppl think too much -.-

thank you triangle :D lots of love! ♥ haha gheyyy.

2008-12-21T22:43:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday to me! (:

i am too lazy to say anything here! but i guess. this has been a special birthday. (: i shall rmb this for life! o well at least good memories before NS days begin.. D:

hehe merry christmas (: btw that small hat is a clip loll.

and well. enjoy my long hair for the moment.. (:

2008-12-21T03:15:00.001+08:00

my bday wish seems impossible. lol.

2008-12-20T22:30:00.000+08:00

i have so many bears LOL :D

2008-12-17T01:58:00.002+08:00

i've tried. and tried. but i can't. i still can't in the end. why..?

i've treaded, on the path of no return. so just. let it be. at least..

2008-12-15T19:39:00.001+08:00

i haven't been blogging properly in awhile huh. (: don't know why either i just don't have the urge to blog like in the past anymore..

well i guess i have things keeping me occupied everyday that's why i guess? and it really seems kinda weird to blog about your everyday-things-and-life nowadays, although that's what blogs are for. ironic huh?

so far, my holidays haven't been exactly awesome, well but it beats studying for the previous 3-4 months hardcorely. so it kinda still is a well-deserved break before i enlist.

talking about enlistment, i feel like weak shit now i haven't been doing any form of proper exercise since like lolly years ago. so ima hit the road later in my tracks later i guess.

thank goodness i do not have anymore chalets. chalets are boring, dirty, and screw your sleep hours up to the max HAHA. cannot tahan already. mom says i looked paler after coming back from hk where i lost many, many sleep hours. that's bad, i never ever looked pale before in my whole life. lol.

oh yea and i guess EAGLES award is a consolation prize for being unable to redeem my stupid merit bursary. lol. seeing 300 bucks fly away is totally heart pain T.T okay lah 150 better than nothing. lol. can pay my debts -.-

guess i won't be updating properly for a long long time already. wait is this even considered a proper entry? haha.

2008-12-14T02:00:00.004+08:00

back from hk.

i dont miss the food.
i dont miss the life or shopping there.
i dont even miss the weather.
but i miss the girls there. HAHA. D:

and im dying of chilli deficiency. ):

2008-12-10T11:03:00.001+08:00

welcome to hong kong.

yuang's house is great. 3 stories. stars and sea view. WOOSH

2008-12-09T02:39:00.001+08:00

hk here i come! :D

2008-12-08T19:58:00.001+08:00

walk on the street, see a goodlooker, yet holding a cigarette butt in their hand and you go wtf.

2008-12-02T23:28:00.002+08:00

why do i look the same in every photo? lol. my eyes are freaky to the max they look possessed.

headed for a disgraceful LAN session in the afternoon with tus neh yuang. HAHAH. how throw face. but well. i guess it was still pretty fun. haha. neh's going into army tomorrow! let's just hope that everything turns out fine for him and he doesn't suffer too much (:

yuki yaki afterwards at marina sq. (omg first time there and the ice cream cooking thing is rather amusing and fascinating despite the fact that all the flavours kinda suck :P lol) then kinda went help the army boy look for a. kinda special someone! hahaha.

PROM PHOTOS SEND MEE :D

2008-12-02T11:57:00.000+08:00

eh i feel so retarded! D: i left my phone with dong so im uncontactable now D:

2008-11-30T00:44:00.002+08:00

headed over to randy's chalet at some people's association thing today. haha although it was quite old cos it was converted from old hdb flats. nevertheless it was enjoyable company with my favourite peoples from eighteen (:

although i really had to cheong home and do.. erhem.. with all the smoke and soot flying all over in the air (: so i didnt stay over.

tjchoir's flying off for competition tomorrrow! wish them allll the best and luck!! :DD

its been really long since i had a long long entry. hhaha.

2008-11-28T23:41:00.002+08:00

prom rule no.1

guys please learn to button ur blazer when ur standing and unbuttoning when ur sitting. its common courtesy. (and its rather surprising why so many people do not know this fact)

prom rule no. 2

always bring extra touch of personalisations to ur outfit in case u zhuang. esp if ur a girl :D guys just rip ur shirt off or something lol.

prom rule no. 3

this only applies to specific people. nope converse shirts are NOT alright for prom lol.

i got all my stuff today. i love my sister you know. like seriously. haha. she mced just to go shopping with me today. lol.

oh yea and it was pretty nostalgic watching tjchoir today. crooning to the carols that we used to blast at wisma and marina square. haha.

.. he began to dance around. :D

ima be heading off to neh's chalet for the next 2 days! den its prom. den its eighteen's chalet. then im off to hk! so i probably wont be back here for awhile! D: haha! dont miss me! too much at least. (:

2008-11-28T00:25:00.001+08:00

clash clash clash. let everything clash together for the win -.-

i just realised that my holidays were more packed than i thought. hahahaha. omg so fun.

2008-11-26T16:58:00.002+08:00

now that my A levels are over. woohoo. do i have a new direction in life?

yea. probably all the stupid applications to various stuff will take all my time up. lol.

probably applying to URA, CAAS and that USP thingy. lol.

dont think i'd pursue a career in music anymore. cant stand studying for non-sciency subjects. its so ambiguos. D:

and.
my testimonial is so short. mr tan slacksssss. D:

alright a lvl is over. so smile :D

2008-11-25T16:52:00.002+08:00

decided not to write any more essays or commentaries. i lazy buy pen already. hahaha.

whatever is done is done. like write one more will have a lot of effect on what's gonna be done tomorrow liddat. lol.

why people's last paper is those free frg shit like mcq den mine is hardcore 2.5hrs paper D: sian!!

2008-11-24T21:43:00.000+08:00

actually. i wonder what would i be doing now if i don't have paper wednesday. haha.

2008-11-23T15:19:00.001+08:00

this is taking so long if feel like CLAWING somebody D:

2008-11-22T23:32:00.002+08:00

wtf!

i cant wait for 26th november. totally!!!!! D:

a total waste of 5 good holiday days. haha.

2008-11-21T21:00:00.001+08:00

You feel worn out, physically and mentally. Recently the going has been tough and it looks as if there is still a considerable way for you to go before you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. If only you could put a protecting wall around yourself and cut yourself off from the rest of the world - be it even for only a little while - how wonderful it would be, but you can't - so you need to bear with it. Just when everything will seem at its lowest ebb you will find that there is a turnabout and your problems will seem to find a way of resolving themselves.

Now there are many things in life that you require as essential to your well-being but, try as you may, something always seems to be getting in your way. A word of advice - 'keep trying' and you may be pleasantly surprised to see just how matters turn out.

You feel that you should be appreciated far more than you are but no-one seems to care! You feel that you are receiving less than your share and the main problem is that there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. The inner stress that you are experiencing makes you quick to take offence but you realise that at this particular moment in time there is little that you can do to relieve the situation.

Your stress and anxiety are a result of an emotional disappointment. It could well be that the emotional relationship is no longer running smoothly and you have come to the end of your tether. On the one hand you would like to free yourself from this relationship altogether, yet on the other hand, you don't want to lose anything nor risk the uncertainty of throwing away something - something that's precious, something that could be the 'Real Thing'. Perhaps for the first time in your life you really don't know which way to go and it is these contradictory emotions that are causing you the untold stress. You are pretending to the world that you don't care but even this air of pretence is causing you much heartache.

Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety and you are distressed by the lack of any close and understanding relationships. You feel you are not appreciated by those who matter to you. You are attempting to escape into a world on which you can relax and feel at ease.

i think i need to go buy 4D. lol.

2008-11-20T20:44:00.002+08:00

walau, why ppl take exam, i also take exam. but mine so long one. unfair lah. haha. D:

i bet over 80% of yr 2 students have ended their As already lor. only left suay shit ppl like me who take weird subjects haha.

splurged a little today. a moment of weakness. spent slightly under 70. haha. lucky i have the money from selling my damn GC to offset this spending. D:

every/any/if there is a god up there. simply please bless me that this 5 days will be imba productive. :D

2008-11-19T20:19:00.003+08:00

everything is just so not complete. i don't see what is lacking, nor do i see total fulfillment. im really kinda exhausted. haha.

the As are ending for the class tomorrow. kinda happy for everyone. (: although i really have 5 more days to fight it out for the A for music. anyway im kinda forgetting about studying music overseas already. i just dont feel cut out for such things. haha. probably just settle for a place in a local uni. just praying freaking hard i get my dream dentistry course.

what would differentiate me from the others? dont tell me this?

the only reason anyone dislikes you is because they're jealous of you.
lol rubbish, den i've gotta be the most envied person in the world.

and i have no more study buddy after tomorrow. sigh.

2008-11-18T23:30:00.002+08:00

A levels officially end for majority of the A lvl population today.

lucky shit ):

hit the pool today.
and its pretty cool i've got rather distinct tan lines on my leg now. thanks to long pants everyday. for keeping my thighs and calves tender and white. -.-

i kinda dislike life now. its just. so weird.
i just want bloody 26th nov to come. or rather 20th at least. ):

cant wait for post exam celebs, chalets, stayovers, hk trip, coffees, shoppings, various meetups with tot/sexies/anybody!
gonna learn to cook, and take basic driving theory!
and finally get started on my abrsm submission! :D

oh crap. 1.5 months only. how to finish everythinggg. can i get hair extensions. HAHAHAHAHA.

2008-11-17T23:10:00.003+08:00

today i finally understand why.

oh well. so what.?
im still a rockstar. xD

all the thinkers of the world unite :D

how nice if everything was like metal slug. insert new token. lol.

anyway on another note.

Bar barbarbarbarbar bar bar barbarbarbarbar is a grammatically correct sentence.
i bet sheeps came from sweden. haha.

2008-11-15T22:25:00.001+08:00

what sucks most is that, you cannot do a single thing about it. haha.

2008-11-13T20:59:00.001+08:00

mann. this really sucks. haha.

2008-11-12T22:39:00.001+08:00

PSPs are ah beng/lian must haves.

so does that make me one? :D

i cleared an entire rpg in 2 days. lol D:
= never study at all xD

2008-11-11T10:22:00.002+08:00

it was a total waste of time going for the paper. haha.

OMG IM BOREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

save me D:

AND CAN SOMEONE TEACH ME HOW TO PLAY CHINESE CHESS LOL. XD

2008-11-10T21:40:00.006+08:00

as long as no one knows. should there be a sense of guilt..?

i miss euphoria.

sometimes. you really have to wonder what do other people lack that you have that make you their equal.

i guess its only right if u gain something by losing something. what really matters is what you gain is worth more than what you lost.

and yea. mind his hands :D

2008-11-09T10:04:00.002+08:00

why bother missing things when you know they will never,
come back?

2008-11-08T20:55:00.004+08:00

haha im totally on post exam mood now.

headed to esplanade in the morning to grab some CDs to listen. apparently its pretty cool now cause they have this locking system to prevent people from vandalising the discs lol. and yea did a little shopping after.

brahms' piano concerto is seriously quite sexy haha.

anyway somehow, i met ranny on the way home and i was met with a "shouldnt you be studying??!" comment. HAHA. crap. :D

hell yea it does feel like my A levels are over :D especially after the week of hell!

oh yea and why the hell does everything fall on 29th november!!!! ): i wanna watch ode to leningrad. ): shostakovich 7! ):

2008-11-07T13:54:00.003+08:00

i don't know what to feel now. whether i should be relieved, or should i be worried.

okay for now its chem next week. bio next next week. and music next next next week. haha. i actually dont really mind ending the latest. at least i got time to study slowly ;p

haha prokofiev remains one of my favourite composers yet. rock and roll for piano.

2008-11-06T12:01:00.004+08:00

its the last day of the extremely hellish week tomorrow.

and i have to say im surviving pretty well (: surprisingly.
all papers up till now were quite alright.
chem today. ima just say im pretty confident about this paper. haha :D

alright pray this continues on for the next three weeks then (: and of course for tomorrow!

good luck to you all!

haha. seriously perception and interpretation matters. a lot. (:

2008-11-05T18:34:00.001+08:00

Obama won. what else can i say? haha.

bio paper was exceedingly tough. much tougher than last year. alot of application and less memory work. which is good news for ppl like me xD

woohoo i have less than 4 hours to study for chem tomorrow. haha (:

2008-11-04T19:12:00.004+08:00

i have nothing to say about the math paper.

it was neither that relaxed, nor was it that hardcore. haha. but yep its definitely significantly tougher than last yr's one.

must use cosine rule some more. luckily i still remember lim geok lian's teachings.

keep this up for paper 2!

its Bio tomorrow!

pray also no use. no such thing as creationism. Darwin's natural selection ftw lol.

and hahhaha. sure regret one. (:

2008-11-03T23:42:00.001+08:00

i pray for strength. tomorrow

from the one whose name begins with G.

nope not god.

yes.

my dearest GC (:

2008-11-03T14:40:00.004+08:00

haha its amazing how my first paper ended.

how i forgot to bring my entry proof this morning

and how i was queuing up in the GO to print my bloody entry proof for 5 bucks.

and how i ran and sat down at my table just as the guy said you may begin.

A TOTAL ONCE IN A LIFETIME PRICELESS ADRENALINE RUSH HAHA. omg the A lvls are hardcore funnn! :D

oh a darker note, crap i phrased my essay wrongly. cant believe i did paragraphing by physical features instead of SEEPS. haha sod it. but well. ders no point harping over it already anymore right. haha.

but on a brighter note, pet topic history came out for P2 (:

maths tomorrow! fish said MOE complained to cambridge dat last yr's a lvl was too easy, so we're gonna get a tough paper this year.

yea baby. xD

and i just threw away all my gp packages and tys.
woohoo. time to sleep now!

ps: i scared already i put my entry proof and ic in my pencilcase ):

2008-11-02T16:12:00.003+08:00

omg the upcoming week will be damn exciting!

its the As! and of course, US elections. haha.

apparently all our life of government schooling lies on this final exam. -.-
what is the significance of it? to achieve good grades to get into a good U? to secure a bright future and live comfortable for the rest of your life?

well maybe.

but im taking this as a test of my own self worth.

haha and my brain is damn sian to think now. after As den i post my thoughts again.

PS: ms chew sent this and it looks sweet. something to occupy me before i enlist :D

2008-11-02T01:04:00.004+08:00

removed the future post. the 3 things are getting irritating haha.

oh how. tomorrow. haha.

B is for BAD.
A is totally ATTROCIOUS.

come on. surely my GP is noob enough to get at least Bad or Attrocious right? :D
lets pray hard.

good luck.

2008-11-01T23:26:00.003+08:00

haha i need to blog. or i can't get my mind off to start on diversity and evolution.

this goes out to a hm. lets just say a certain someone out there.

yes u probably have ur point. u were saying? words are a form of expression?

remember, my main argument is still irony.

i am not trying to flame words, nor try to put it in bad light. for i myself, am a user of such mindless means.

by doing so u've in a way, strengthened my stand thank you very much. words convey one's thoughts i didnt deny that, but to quote myself "lifeless, dead form of expression". that's how i think words are. they are expressive, but dead and easily manipulated in the strangest, most highly grotesque forms. that's what im trying to say. and that's the irony agree? that words exist to be communicative tools, to exhibit one's true side while however lies do exist and distort this beautiful art form. [that i agree for i too think, "words seem nice enough".]

my main point, is to prove the irony of man's own doings. and that so many of mankind's actions actually contradict what they actually mean. just like how some people can say one thing and mean another. well now think about it.

to quote a certain friend out there: "why do people lie?"

2008-10-31T20:27:00.000+08:00

it suddenly dawned on me that i will die of hair cancer. HAHA.

2008-10-31T11:26:00.004+08:00

haha. i knew this day would come. its like inevitable. hahha.

pretty old song. but still rather lovely. haha.

walau eh. A lvl no kick la. bah.

2008-10-30T21:47:00.009+08:00

一失足成千古恨，再回头已是百年生。

haha too bad yea.

well its the time of the night where im alone and facing the com to update again!

haha feel quite accomplished today cos i finished wad i planned for today and everything i procrastinated from yesterday. lol. so i shall give myself an early night later as well (:

the issue of thought today, interestingly something that we all need:

LOVE.
sometimes, we should just stop and stare to check out how lovely actually the world is (:

haha shit. im going into this totally taboo topic today.

Love in itself is an amazing and wonderful word, literally. It itself can be used as a noun, "we've got love", a verb,"i love her", adjective "look at those love birds". Only more wonderful, is the meaning of the word itself; dictionary.com defines love as "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." For one, I am quite certain that there is truly, no other replacement for this single individual word.

ever seen that special someone for the first time, and felt like "omg im in love"?

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that exists in the body. Often associated with the "pleasurable" section of the brain, it is this single hormone that triggers the "falling in love" sensation within your body. but truly, love at first sight? That is but a lie for i wonder which idiot coined that phrase in the first place. This so called "love" that we experience could probably only be termed as a form of sexual attraction or rather, sexual comfort and ease. Your eyes take helm at this point, with only belle and beauty in your mind. but truly, can we love one for the looks alone? this again brings us to another issue, that looks are not everything. but then again this shall perhaps be discussed, another time, day.

However, with that said, what then brings about love, would it be purely loveable characteristics and desirable non-physical traits? The answer to that, i shall not define for fear of incurring the wrath of you possible "inner beauty" activists. [by which im already stating my stand, haha.] Seriously, then why don't we ever get an only average looking Disney princess? [pardon the lame example haha.] Where are the happily ever afters all then? what's with all the hoo-ha's about knights in shining armor and white horses riding off in the sunset? [haha ;D] Since time of old, it is already rather certain that the more well-endowed get higher probabilities of finding true love, almost like a collinear relationship. Then again, those are just stories but truly, can we only love for who we are?

im sorry i kinda deviated into the looks topic, but its really an interesting argument to go. okay i'll go back to characteristics.

kindness, gentleness, feminity for the females. Chivalry, gentlemanliness, masculinity for the guys. What are these often associated with?

something like this perhaps? sorry everything is like cinderella. anyway i still think cinderella is the nicest looking princess of them all HAHA. okay now take a look at this.

kingkong is totally a great lover he protects his girl with everything and that's totally touching. but hello. would you fall in love with king kong, ever? HAHA.

perception, is what matters truly. ima have to say that love is derived from a self perceived set of likes you have for that special someone. this may be conscious or even subconscious as in most cases. [comes the age old question, what do you like about me? haha] oh wait, what happened to the marriage vows? "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part." if the thing we love about the particular someone disappears.. can we still continue loving the person JUST for who the sake of loving the person for his identity?

alright it may sound noble and all if you say yes, but as a kid, i too don't have the answer to that. At the moment, let's just say that i kinda do not believe that we can.

okay this is getting a tad too long. shall end here. i may continue this topic next time again i think! (:

2008-10-29T23:31:00.003+08:00

okay everyday once the clock goes past 10, my left brain begins to slow down while my right goes into overdrive. haha.

i think thats why my ipod needs to be charged so often nowadays and that i can only study in extremely crowded noisy areas. i need the noise to keep my brain from thinking too much. haha. oh yea to note randomly, ders this article in the straits times today. apparently, seriously ppl are going deaf more often nowadays with mp3 players. so yea, turn the volumes down people.

pardon my attempt to act chim. haha. since im so bored now.

the issue of thought.

Irony.
its ironic how ironic irony can get huh? omg do u sense the irony LOL.

We all live with one end point in life, finishing up 10 feet beneath the earth's surface as dead organic material. Why the hell did the first cell even exist in the first place? All we've done to the earth was to deface it and bring it unto a path of self destruction and impending doom.

I'm sure everyone has had one of those times where everything seemed in a total mess, and you just want to shut yourself out from your external environment? well ever considered the fact that the very desire to cave yourself in results in the irony of the acceptance that there is the existance of a region beyond the periphery of your body?

As a biology student, we understand that several systems in the body serve to subconsciously block out the unnecessary and unimportant external stimuli. The synapse for one serves to filter out low level stimulus such as background noise and allows for something known as focus. In a way, it is possible to live in your own world literally. But it is important to realise that fact that, relativity determines who and what you are. Everything in life is comparative; there can only exist happiness with sadness, and success with failure etc. If there ceases to begin with an exterior environment, there will not be the existance of a definition for ignorance. The famous American composer John cage displayed it in the work titled 4'33. Which is arguably, one of the most controversial compositions ever in the history of western "classical" music. [Its totally ironic how modern defined classical music is literally not classical at all huh?] Silence simply has to co-exist with music.

Similarly, this entire passage of words by itself is also an irony. Who is the one who created the first words that come into major usage nowadays? If you've been a close follower of this blog, this can also be related to the "dogs meowing, cats barking" argument. Inventions such as are only pseudo-representations that mankind have created for their self manipulation. Grotesque as it may sound, but mankind is too smart for its own good in some ways. Why do i even bother typing out this whole chunk of words, when well, perhaps I don't really feel this way at all just putting down lame ideas such as into this lifeless, dead form of expression, in pen? [or rather computer pixels. haha.] Humans are such intelligent creatures, concealing almost entirely their true colours and natures unless pushed to the limits. And besides, there also always exists the constant desire to achieve politically rightness and respect. But what does this all result from? Ironically it came as a result of human nature, the fear for the abominations it brings into society. The seven cardinal sins exist deep within everyone and apprehensions of such bring about the need for conformity and order. Once again, the irony exists as people want control yet freedom. [or perhaps, the freedom to control and vice versa?]

finally, its totally ironic how im going to end here now because im bored and tired when i actually chose to start writing this in the first place huh. Everything in the world is an irony, lies and truths they are but materialistic and non-existent. Nothing in the world can be trusted or predictable. Ironic we have the word future huh..?

i hope the above has enlightened you in some ways. haha. but doubt it would anyway, reading it thru again i think its a total piece of junk. but i'd still post it anyway lol. and now presenting, the full orchestral version of John Cage's masterpiece, 4'33. [please if ur taking ur A lvls in three days time. just skip this. haha.]

i've never really understood why people always have to cough in between movements. its like its almost planned and expected and part of the music. lol

anyway the whole point of writing all that rubbish above can just be summarised as follows. Life is totally unexpected. it can come back at you anytime and plunge a dagger into your back anytime. trust and believe is rubbish. and im almost tempted to say love is too since love is built on trust haha. that'd be the last thing, i'd want to see.

anyway. congrats if u made it all the way to the end for wasting so much time trying to read all the above crap that came from an ignorant fool like yours truly :D im just BORED sorry haha.

2008-10-29T18:21:00.002+08:00

had a really longggggggggggg talk with chun last night, that she forgot to study her respiration and photosynthesis! SORRYNESS! ): haha and i still think my phone is coolness cos it can last nearly 3 hrs talktime with only 15% battery left LOL. stuck at 4% forever superphone!

its amazing how i can sleep at 3 and wake up refreshed at 730. haha

the song of the day today will be..

haha havent exactly listened to chinese songs for a long long time.

i think my poor ipod is overworked these few days. hmm. lol. luckily the 2nd gen is kinda the most stable in terms of battery life :S

2008-10-28T22:14:00.004+08:00

laughter, is the best medicine.?

wonder who invented words. haha.

alright alright im sorry im been such an asshole. ))): fuck.

2008-10-28T14:38:00.005+08:00

haha rightt my old address is under some spam blog violation -.- probably cause of the autodirect script i think. shall remove it after dey clear the charges.

blogger is so screwed these days, i really feel like making the move. but i like this blog. haha.

haha and i think i always feel lighter after haircuts. must be a psychological effect, of my hair weighs at least 1 kg. HAHA. i guess the astroboy-like thing doesnt suit me. im back to my old hair. haha. different place though. my old place is under renovation now. and i think this guy at the new place did quite a good job i guess. haha.

why did i use so many hahas. -.-

prepare to fight the war!

on the other hand, i think my 3 buddies give me strength during the paper. i rushed and finished 50 min before time when i left one whole qn blank for prelims cos no time. HAHA.

i totally cant wait for the As to start its so exciting! :DDDD

seriously, only when you've lost something before will u learn to treasure it so. much. just one last one. haha.

2008-10-27T20:51:00.004+08:00

one week to A LVLS stock check.

i think im prepared for chem.
i think im prepared for bio.
i think im almost prepared for math.
i shall use the 6 day break to prepare solely for music.
i hope GP will be fine.

lets go. time to own the A lvls. its so worldly, yet so important.
this period of time has robbed me of more than fun and time. i cant wait for this to be over.

sigh the fatigue is beginning to set in my eyes are 3/4 closed by 7-8pm everyday. and everytime i blink they cant seem to open fully. ): crap i need to practice sleeping early from now on.

dont break down at this moment.

i've mock bio paper tomorrow. haha. and one of the last breakfast sessions with the class tomorrow.

after almost 2 weeks without eating opposite of tj food, i finally realise that it actually has one of the nicest food around. all the lousy foodcourt and coffeeshop stalls now (esp those run by "foreign talent") all serve crappy tasteless food. shall learn to treasure and not be sick of it anymore.

sigh. haha.

haha this is normally not my kind of song. but its really kinda nice! i think its the way she says ROMEO. hahahaha.

2008-10-26T23:20:00.007+08:00

i rummaged around my room today, and found an old friend for carebear! SHERWIN TEO REMEMBER THIS LITTLE RED FELLOW NOT OR NOT HAHA. it may be a little dirty and old after rotting with the flower and the ballon for so long but its still hangable! matching colour some more. i think my carebear is in love haha. my two study buddy-couples. lol. lets hope love-a-lot is not a boy or it'd be a brokeback relationship :S fills up the empty space i guess.

haha anyway i feel so absolutely stupid now i just went to run thinking that it was 950pm.
den i realised my room clock is 1 hour behind time -.- hahaha.
imagine if i din realise until my afternoon paper for the As. -.- haha.

oh and yep. and thanks so much for the reminder. happy deepavali everyone.

haha the start sounds like some LOTR main character die song.

2008-10-25T19:50:00.005+08:00

biang. why i so suay one. ): nonid do my internship already. haha.
anyone else joining me on that day??

on a random note.

i think my carebear is black and totally smells like coffee now. i love my carebear! its always there to care when im studying :D HAHA! love a lot carebear (:

i shall get you a friend soon carebear!! (:

woo i see photos of yesterday on facebook. haha. courtesy of berenice and amos!

MEP class of 08 with indian music gurus and ms lau! (:

veenas are cool! haha.

hahaha sorry but i was seriously trying to stay awake here lol.

woo im an indian drummer. ahaha.

2008-10-24T21:30:00.002+08:00

haha. i decided not to stop blogging. guess it takes only 5-10 mins a day. (as tommy said) and i've never believed in studying for long hours anyway. what matter is how you do it. i guess.

seriously, with great power really comes great responsibility. if one really had such great power, wouldnt anyone sacrifice oneself to just use it for the better of others? humans may be selfish creatures, but faced with shame and disregard by others, sometimes we may be so selfish that we forget to help ourselves at times.

im really totally feeling fucked up now. stomache flu 3 days ago, vomitted my guts out and fever now..? (shit i have a feeling its that round round crispy thing's fault. hahaha.) how many times do i need to waste going to the bloody doctor. even my body does not want me to do well for my As. haha.

ah who cares. i think its pretty difficult to die anyway.

mep kids headed over to ALAPANA school in little india today for a little indian music lesson. haha. must say that the whole trip was actually enjoyable cept for the fact that we were sitting on the floor for almost an entire 6 hours. haha. a little hands on with the veena, mridangam and tabla. kinda cool actually, at least now i think we really can differentiate the instruments just by hearing the sound.

i have this sudden urge to do community work after the As. i think i've done too many wrongdoings to ppl in my life and i need to clear this bad karma. anyone got lobangs? haha.

2008-10-18T23:16:00.001+08:00

og pm;u smupmr epi;f ytu yp imfrtdysmf ,r

haha.
congrats if u do (:

2008-10-18T09:16:00.002+08:00

i've been having really weird but exciting dreams recently! last night i dreamt i was travelling across space and dimensions wth haha.

to quote from tantujin:
"One night Zhuang Zi dreamed that he was a carefree butterfly flying happily. After he woke up, he wondered how he could determine whether he was Zhuang Zi who had just finished dreaming he was a butterfly, or a butterfly who had just started dreaming he was Zhuang Zi."

cool. i wished this whole thing was a dream.